1935: Bored? Don’t Worry, War Is Right Around the Corner!

The following is from an (extremely sarcastic) April 1935 Nobles County Times editorial, titled “A Sure Cure for the Dumps.”

Sufferers from ennui, better known as “that tired feeling,” can brighten up now. Germany is marching again. Pretty soon the headlines will be full of drives, offensives, casualty lists and mobilization news, and we’ll be back in the heady, fearful days of the ‘teen age of the current century.

Somehow there has never been anything to quite replace those zippy war-time days for us stay-at-homes who never heard with dread the pounding of heavy artillery in the far distance, or cowered in the cellards and dug-outs when the Maybachs drummed overhead with their frightening “wow-oo-wow” on a nightly egg-laying expedition.

What sort of a sleeping powder has the world been under to imagine that Deutschland, treaty or no treaty, has been doing anything but whet its sword against the day when it would be ready to break out again, this time with vengeance burning in its soul! The news reels of reich troops goose-stepping snappily down Unter den Linden are not pictures of outfits recruited during the past two or three weeks. Not much! And those fellows haven’t been training for any Sunday school picnic.

Oh well, it’s been a dull world, trying to extract excitement from the prosaic business of making a living, amassing wealth, organizing trade extension promotions, selling motor cars, and so on. Heil Hitler! He’s going to provide us with a real thrill again.

The only cloud in the sky is that perhaps there won’t be so much far-away theatre of war. The feeble wings of 1914-18 have gained tremendous strength, and can now cross oceans easier than they could hop the English channel in those days. Maybe war profiteers won’t be able to loll in such effortless ease and security, but will find that “the front” has been brought uncomfortably close, so close that their office buildings and palaces of profit may come tumbling down about their ears, or reek with death-dealing fumes. Which may cure nations of going to war — or may not. We humans are funny folks.

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